A little bit portfolio, a little bit clever & mainly moronic

Month: November, 2010

‘Why hello Overdraft, I’ve missed you’: HOW TO SAVE YOUR PENNIES

Alright so I’m guessing the wide (pahah) demographic of people reading this are mainly students. I mean Shoni’s a student. So are Jade, Issy and Matt. Cool. OK so students never have any money ever. It’s like our job or something. Get given money from the government, sit around all day getting drunk and writing on blogs then complain we have no money ‘cuz i spent it all down taaa’ spoons.

So here is a variety of ways to live in the high life (ish) and save money:

1) Create an account. Now.
2) If you don’t have one already- get a railcard.
3) Amazing. All you need is a valid train ticket. Even if you’re not going to use the train it’s worth buying a cheap one- £1.80 say (cheaper with your new railcard) and making big savings. Yay.
4) Create casseroles- you can chuck any food in it that needs eating!
5) Freeze your meat bitches. It’ll last up to 6 months. No lies.
6) Download Spotify. You won’t ever pay for music again.
7) OK I suspect you know this already but if you don’t: PRE DRINK.
8) Scour the internet for voucher websites. You’d be amazed at the deals I’ve picked up: 2 for 1 all over the shop, free drink in a Greene King pub, theatre tickets!
9) Be nice a person. It might not save you money but it’ll make you feel better about spending it.
10) Theatres often hold back a few restricted view tickets which you can queue up on the day for. Billy Elliot for £20 as opposed to £80. Don’t mind if I do.
11) Charity shops are your friends. Not only do you look original and get green points, you pick up a STEAL.
12) Sometimes it’s better to fork out a bit more initially and have things last longer. Primark tights- a pound a pair- Great. Holes in your tights after one wear- Not so great.
13) Get a job, you lazy student.
14) Help your University out. £40 to show people my room. Nice.
15) Enter competitions and surveys- £1000 cash prize for answering some rubbish Union survey for Surrey. Worth a shot.
16) Budget. And stick to it.
17) Branded Ginger Beer- £2.60/litre. Non branded Tesco’s own Ginger Beer- 36p/litre.
18) Go into a Supermarket before it shuts and pick up all the best reductions.
19) See January Sales. 70% in Accessorize at the end of January.
20) Furnishing a house? Go on Ebay, source people selling furniture locally and go collect it. £20 for two great condition sofas. Awesome.
21) Buy your books on Amazon. Use the library. Oh, and get a Waterstones card. It adds up.
22) Learn to sew and sew up your button holes, rips etc. Give your clothes a new lease of life.
23) Learn to cook. It’s cheaper than ready meals and it’ll make you feel better.

Finally if you just can’t be good….

24) Make sure your new shoes look nicer than the girl’s who live next door.


‘WHAT’S ON YOUR MIND?’ "Because people read facebook statuses and not books."

1) Being a student: no money, no clean clothes and mountains of reading.
2) Incredibly poor grammar. How can you expect to sound dynamic when your writing is anything but? I am referring to an horrendously badly written advert I read the other day.
3) Gin and Ginger Beer. New drink of choice.
4) Christmas: how little can I get away with spending?
5) Spotify: I just downloaded Spotify Unlimited (£4.99 a month) and it’s amazing.
6) Tristan *
7) Handwritten letters. Just need to buy some stamps.
8) Cooking: one of the only thing I am good at. If I had money and time enough…

9) The half of my joint honours degree: Creative Writing. Is it bullshit?

10) Guildford: it’s a super cool place. I’ve ‘discovered’ a great new street. Chapel Street. I like it.
11) Carnage: Do I agree with its morals? Almost certainly not.
12) Which leads me on to Jade * and her genius remarks.

13) Rugby.

14) Roman Jakobson: I think I hate Structuralism.

15) Which leads me on to POLITICS (as Structuralism is loved by all Socialists). (Turn off your moniter now- everything from now on will be bollocks). I used to consider myself a bit of a ‘raging lefty’; you know the sort of militant socialism you only find amongst the young, middle class and uneducated. But sadly, I’m not much of a socialist. As one of the many students who voted LibDem I’m sort of really fucking angry. Also a bit ashamed. I really dig the Lib Dem. They’re not scary like the Tories or outdated like the Labour party. I wish I’d just voted Labour.

16) Mince Pies: Christmas is fucking coming bitches.
* Tristan:

My gorgeous boyfriend. He juggles. With FIRE! He drinks real ale. He likes girls who drink real ale (myself). He did a History degree (we talk about my three faves: Stalin, Lenin and Trotsky). His smile could probably light up the darkest spot of outer Mongolia or some shit. He looks like Jude Law and Ronan Keating (totally hot). He lives in a tiny village miles away from me (Hertfordshire to be precise) and has in the whole time we’ve been together. But it’s cajj because we get a million trains to ferry us all over London and then I get to see that cheeky smile. Long distance relationships do work. And hey check out those killer eyes, I’d travel double the distance for them 😉


My long suffering flat mate. Gorgeous isn’t she? Anyway, Jade’s brilliant drunken comment in a taxi is what led me on to this introduction: when asked ‘What’s your theme for Carnage?’ she answered with the legendary ‘Turtles.’ Anyway, Jade’s my best uni friend. She always has a tidy room, she laughs at me when I need someone to laugh at my jokes, she gets drunk and funny and I get drunk and disgraceful. She can walk in 5 inch heels uncomplainingly and with the grace of Marilyn Monroe (most unfair). Her and Kevin (there you go shout out for you pal) actually attempt to read this hideous internet wankery of a blog. Kevin’s cool too, he punctuates his BBMs to me in a way which practically makes me jizz with pleasure. Back to Jade. Jade’s better than most people (certainly better than me). If you are lucky enough to meet her, you must treat her as such. Or we’ll probably just start jumping around (one of our ‘dance moves’) and thrusting. It’s kind of scary.

DEMOLITION: Same Shit, Different Person Saying It

I didn’t go to the demolition. I think this probably makes me a bad student or something but I had a seminar for my creative writing module and my attendance in those has been sproadic at best and I’d definitely be a bad student if I fail the essay I’ve been set for next Wednesday :

But after watching the videos of the Millbank protestors I am so angry. Classic example of a few individuals fucking it up for everyone else. The image of students is already bad enough without some idiots deciding it’s OK to storm the Tory Headquarters. It negates the whole purpose of the march and the message is lost. Well the fuck done.

In an aside, I despair of transport this week.


After airing my dirty laundry on the internet, I am met with the inevitable backlash. Apparently, Twitter is a good thing? So here we go, Twitter: The Good, The Bad and The Stupid.


After doing some further ‘research’ (if you can call a google search and a chat with Will over a cigarette research) I have come to the conclusion (more like I have been forcibly told) that Twitter can be useful.

“How?!” I hear you beautiful readers cry! Well, let me enlighten you. One of the most annoying things about google is a search will often bring you results from 6 months to 2 years ago. If you are looking for current and update information it can be difficult to find this through google. However, as Twitter is constantly being updated with ‘tweets’, it is an excellent resource for finding up to the minute information.

Also, as you choose who you ‘follow’ you can then choose whose ‘ramblings’ appear on your page. Therefore if you harbour a particular interest in say…Ashton Kutcher you can follow his diabocal tweets to his cougar wife Demi. This could be useful for someone is studying science or medicine, as you can follow researchers. Hmm.

Finally, and this is a point with two halves. I have read that large coroporate companies have chosen to publicise their products and discounts through Twitter. This has two sides: obviously if you are looking to buy a laptop finding a discount would be great, however as we learnt from ‘The Social Network’ advertising just isn’t cool.


See blogpost001.


“Anyone know how many toothpicks are in a standard box? has it traditionally been that number?” Oh dear

“Itchy fucking eye” Who cares?

“Good news: I get to leave the house today. Bad news: It’s to buy new catheter bags.” This is actually real. TOO MUCH INFORMATION.

In conclusion, I am no closer to cracking the enigma that is Twitter. But, apparently hating Twitter isn’t cool. Sorry, I still think it’s shit, although I now slightly respect it’s ‘functions’. Although, the word ‘tweet’ makes me sick.

Over and out.

An aside: To clarify from ‘Am I a Wanker?’ I love pot noodles I just don’t have any at the minute.


I’ve had a few gins and perhaps it’s time for some introspection. After reading my latest ‘blogpost’ back to myself I began to wonder: am I a wanker?


  • I enjoy using long words
  • My main interests are theatre, literature and art
  • My favourite band are The Smiths
  • I have a blog
  • I liked myspace better than facebook
  • I drink gin
  • I am a student yet I have feta in my fridge and not a pot noodle in sight
  • I would sell my soul to work in the creative industry
  • I talk about my own ‘pretentiousness’ far too much
  • Finally, I am making a list of why I am/am not a wanker


  • I passionately hate anything that is ridiculous on the internet. (You have surely already heard this from my hatred of twitter)
  • I enjoy getting drunk
  • I am from South London
  • I don’t pretend to be something I’m not and I’m brutally honest
  • Finally, I am making a list of why I am/am not a wanker

Am I a wanker? Discuss.

A Book, A Poem and some letters

I read a marvellous book today. Room by Emma Donoghue. It is one of those books that you can literally read in one sitting. It was affecting, beautifully written and utterly original. One of those books that stays inside you and makes the world seem ever so slightly different. The very best sort I suppose.

‘Room’ is the story of five year old Jack and his ma who are imprisoned in a room measuring eleven feet by eleven feet. So far, so Fritzl. But,what makes this book so original is the narrator. The narrative is entirely told by Jack, who was born in the room and believes that there is nothing else except for his ma, ‘Old Nick’ and the room. Jack is a fallible narrator and Donoghue’s use of dramatic irony is simply wonderful. Jack is unaware what is going on when he is counting the ‘creaks’ ‘Old Nick’ makes on the bed whilst he is with Jack’s ma whereas the reader can see a much darker side to this. I’ve never read anything like it before, it was so powerful, so real, and so incredibly affecting.

In other news, if you have nothing to do please read ‘An Almost Made Up Poem’ by Charles Bukowski.

Finally, I have begun writing letters. I miss the handwritten letter. I miss a scribbled note on the fridge instead of a text message. I love the idea of someone’s hand curling my name into their own scrawl. Shoni (again, I implore you to read her blog has recently written me a handwritten letter and it was such a joy to open. It is currently stuck on my wall in front of me amongst pritned out pictures from my travels. So to all my friends out there expect a handwritten letter over the next few weeks. So much more effort than a text, and so much more rewarding (for the reciever and the writer).

An aside though, be warned, once you start writing letters…you might never stop.

This is ‘BLOGPOST002’. It’s been eventful. Bye Blog.

Blogging: Is It Shit Like Twitter?

Twitter is something I totally don’t get. It is the assumption that you are interesting enough for someone to actually want to read your ramblings. How self indulgent to assume that some other person really cares about your little, random, insignificant thoughts. I dislike the idea of someone like myself (who has achieved virtually nothing) thinking that their thoughts are fascinating enough to be broadcast on the internet for others to read. Perhaps it is OK if you are geniunely funny (Stephen Fry) or geniunely intelligent (nobel prize winner for example).
Anyway, I consider(ed) blogging to be largely in this vein. Self indulgent crap that no one except the writer of said blog (in my ideal fantasy this pretend blog is called something like ‘My Secret and Private Diary’ or some other generic yet amusing name) is at all interested in.

However, my dear friend (Shoni) has recently started a very entertaining blog (in fact go read it instead of this one ) and my boyfriend and his close friend write a highly amusing blog ( ). These two events have made me curious to the world of blogging (not that of Twitter- I still think Twitter is for self love and the mentally retarded), so much so that I propose to start my own blog. And find out if ‘Blogging is shit like Twitter’.

Anyway, this is (shit) blogpost 001. It is the blog’s birthday. Happy birthday blog.

Unless you want to hear a few trivial details about the author (that’s me) I suggest you exit the browser now.

I am an English Literature and Creative Writing undergraduate at the University of Surrey. I am from somewhere within the m25. I dislike over familiarity on the internet and bad grammar. I can live with the latter but most definitely not the former. My name is (0bviously) Alexandra. I answer to Alex. Alexandra is preferable.

I feel a bit sick posting this.