A little bit portfolio, a little bit clever & mainly moronic

Month: December, 2010

An Ode to the Joy (and pain) of Twickenham and a healthy dose of anger about ‘NYE’

Well hello there dear readers (all 4 of you). I am sorry for the delay in posting. The end of term crept up upon me as it is wont to do and deadlines, alcohol and the horrendous C word (Christmas) prevented me from posting mindless anger on the internet. Perhaps that is a good thing? I am still, by the by, unsure about this whole blog expedition. I feel it is rather like smoking: I am unsure about the benefits of smoking (if there are any) but it has become a rather bad habit and being the lazy and unmotivated git I am I don’t hate it enough to quit it. Much like the blog. I am unsure where it is going (at least it is unlikely to kill me, unlike cigarettes) or indeed what good (if any) it is bringing to the world but I am reluctant to quit it. Which is obviously super wonderful to all you beautiful (and odd) people reading it!

Anyway, Christmas happened, turkey, presents, cracker yada yada yada. It was, on the whole, uneventful. I worked Christmas Eve so I didn’t even go out and get ridiculously drunk which is a crying shame. Oh, I am back from the commuter belt (as I fondly like to call Surrey) and securely in the middle of the M25 again. (Really, it is much like moving from one commuter belt to the other but this one has the prefix of Greater).

Where I live is en masse unexciting. It is on the very edge of a very large city which you may have heard of called London. The town does have the feel of being slightly overshadowed by something it will never quite be. We are just about on the London Underground (if you count Richmond, which I would say I do, as it is technically walking distance from my house) and very much in the oyster card area. It is known for one thing and one thing only: Rugby. (I am not, of course, from Rugby… I believe that is in the Midlands.) It has a plethora of grotty pubs (and the odd decent one), a selection of places for less than fine dining and an oasis of charity shops. The most exciting thing to happen in Twickenham over the last year was the opening of a Tesco Metro where the Red Lion used to be. I’m not sure how I feel about this because of the whole Socialist tendencies etc. However, its usefulness I cannot quibble. Anyway, when I was at Surrey I held Twickenham in an almost omnipotent glow. Now I am back here I am of course shining a light of similar calibre on Guildford.

Naturally I can see the faults in Twickenham. To name but a few: it’s full of chavs; the shops are shit; the whole place needs a throughly good clean; its over run with school and college kids… etc etc. However, it is my home town and in a sort of A E Housman-esque manner I adore it and could sing its praises all day. (A E Housman- A Shropshire Lad, try On Bredon- it’ll blow your bollocks off). To suffice to say, I am enjoying being at home. However, Jade and I are LAG TIL WE DIE when we get back to Guildford (after the exams of course). I am more than excited to be back in GTOWN where dreams are made and poets are woven.

Now, I feel is the time to, in a round about way, reveal the true nature of this post. I feel oddly gulity I’ve lured you all in to a romantic and rather charming account of how I love my town even though it’s a shit hole blah blah blah and actually my real reason for this blog was to convey my deep hatred (no suprise there) of New Year’s Eve.

I can hear you cry, dear reader, ‘But Alex! You hate everything!’ In short, yes. However, the way I feel about New Year is paticularly special. I really don’t bloody like it. I resent the idea of New Year’s Resolutions. January’s grotty as fuck without the addition of horrid resolutions to give up the things we love best (fine food, smoking, alcohol, unsuitable suitors etc.) The parties almost always turn out to be shit: everyone gets trashed early on, and someone always starts crying. I always kiss someone inappropriate at midnight. Or worse, as was last year, my New Year’s kiss was a gay man who clearly pitied my being unkissed state. Shame.

So my one and only New Year’s Resolution was to spend New Year’s Eve exactly as I want and the way I want to spend it is by cooking food all afternoon with Redburn, getting drunk and watching Jean Luc Godard films then maybe going to the place I work for a tipple and ending up at my friend Ciara’s house at about 3. I refuse to go up to London, to go to a club, to go to a party or to do anything I don’t definitely absolutely want to do. And I’m pretty fucking happy about it.

Happy New Year, you beautiful people. May the next year treat you well but not so well that I am jealous of your successes. Love.


Hit List

Well hello there all 6 readers. How are we all?

I have had exceptionally bad snow over in this region of Surrey. Now I hate snow. Totally hate it. Cold, wet, miserable and house bound are the four words which spring to mind when I think about snow. Less white Christmas and more fuck my life. I HAD to go home on Thursday and pick up Tristan’s Christmas present. (It was gig tickets to a gig we attended on Sunday in Nottingham which was beyond fun). And I waited two hours in the blistering cold for a bloody train. Then more at the next stop. In total it took 3 and a half hours to go 3 stops on the train. At which point I was picked up by my parents. Awesome.

Also, something I feel ashamed about. I hate Christmas. I hate ‘good will’. I hate turkey. I hate spending all day in doors. I hate seeing my family stressed. I hate not being able to wander off. I hate buying people things they neither want nor need. I feel uncomfortable about this. Whilst talking to my lecture buddy Becky I said, ‘I hate Christmas’ and she simply responding with, ‘Yeah because you’re a miserable cow.’ This led me on to thinking about things I dislike. And as you have probably all realised I like making lists so I thought I would list a few things I hate.

1) The General Public- I hate people. Not everyone just most of them. Particularly those on public transport.
2) Which leads me on nicely to People Who Put Their Bags On The Seat On The Train. This is probably my number one hate. Either you have a seat or your bag has a seat. Can you not see that people are STANDING UP and maybe might just want that seat? In fact this irritated me so much that I rang Shoni and spoke very loudly about how much I hate this.
3) People Who Push In The Queue- wait your turn you bastard.
4) Bananas- seriously gross.
5) People Who Over Do It On The Internet- No one cares that you’re lonely. Go home.
6) Public Transport- self explanatory.
7) Malibu- too sweet.
8) Dolminos- too expensive, albeit delicious.
9) Being Woken Up- if I’m asleep shut the fuck up.
10) People Who Enjoy Being Stupid- There is no pride in being an idiot. I hate people who become ‘famous’ because they couldn’t pass GCSE RE.
11) Girls Who Are Always Naked on a Night Out- it’s cold. Dress accordingly.
12) Jedward- No.
13) Tramp Stamps- No.
14) Certain People- I cannot mention names. But you probably know. Rascists, bigots, homophobes etc…

I have to end it here because I’m getting angry.

Here are the only things I love:

1) Books- they will save your life.
2) The people I am lucky enough to call my friends.
3) Mr. T. P. Redburn. He’s cynical and sexy. It’s good.
4) Ivy’s blog. Read it: It’s so good it should be illegal. In fact it probably is in some countries.
5) The Smiths.
6) Philip Larkin- poetry makes me a bit woozy in general. Bit like getting drunk on intellectualism. Nice.
7) Spotify.

And that is it.