A little bit portfolio, a little bit clever & mainly moronic

Month: May, 2013

All That I Learnt…

I’ve finished my degree and sent off very last Stag. So it seems only fair to round up everything I’ve learnt in the past 3 years (hint: very little of it came from my course at all). 


  1. 9 times out of 10, whatever that person said, was not meant to offend. Being offended often says more about you than it does about the person that said it.
  2. It’s easy to be idealistic if you’re rich.
  3. All the good things should be internalised forever. The rest is debris.
  4. Dominos should never be consumed more than once in a week. Your bank balance will not thank you.
  5. Everyone will let you down. Even the people you thought never could. 
  6. Either hold a grudge, and never speak to that person again, or let it go. 
  7. If you say you forgive someone, you have to mean it. You have to forget what they did.
  8. Some people do not deserve your forgiveness.
  9. I will never, ever be a size 10 and it only matters if I think it does.
  10. Praise isn’t given enough. Know your own worth.
  11. There are better things ahead than any we leave behind.
  12. The last person in the room clapping for you every time, the person who always has your back…they’re the one. The rest don’t matter.
  13. 5 friends (or 4, or 3, or 2 or 1) that you can call at 5am and sob to are worth more than 500 who you can’t.
  14. The ones to let into your heart are the ones who’ve seen your worst and love you anyway.
  15. You will always think more on the things you have said/done than anyone one else will do.
  16. The longer you leave something you’re frightened of, the worse it will be.
  17. The smartest people I know never got good grades. Intelligence isn’t a fucking number.
  18. Pick yourself up and pick your friends up. 
  19. When someone impresses you, tell them. 
  20. So what if you behave badly sometimes? No one gets it right 100% of the time.
  21. Surround yourself with good people.
  22. Having a good, kind heart is worth more than any other thing in this world and anyone who tells you differently is wrong. 

With my last Stag. Thank you Surrey.


I am not beautiful and I don’t care.

I am not beautiful. I don’t look like Kate Moss, I don’t look like Venus, I don’t look like anyone remotely attractive. I’m no one’s aphrodite. I am smart though. I am special. I am good at something. Really good at it actually. I am funny. I do have amazing friends.


I do not look like Botticelli’s Venus.


The beauty thing really isn’t that big a deal. I think we need to reassess how much currency we award to beauty. Being beautiful doesn’t make you anything except lucky to have good genes. It doesn’t make you cleverer, it doesn’t make you kinder, and if one is to look at most celebrities, it doesn’t seem to make you much happier. 


She may be gorgeous, but she don’t look happy



He may be one of the most attractive male film stars, but is no stranger to heartbreak, and looks pretty bloody sad here.


However, it perversely makes you more successful. It’s hard to determine how much more successful, but beauty= call backs and call backs = jobs. Look at the kind of shit we saturate our lives in. In films and TV programmes those in positions of power are generally the most good looking. Even in ‘real life’, I wouldn’t kick Mr. Obama out of bed, or Tony Blair for that matter. But Gordon Brown (one of our most unpopular prime minsters) would definitely rank pretty low in the shag pile. Even dastardly David Cameron has a certain physical appeal to him. And no one can deny his piece Mrs. Samantha Cameron is unbelievably attractive and certainly doesn’t look all her 42 years. 


42? Really?!


This post isn’t about which politicians I want to fuck (although Zac Goldsmith, every time), it’s about how I don’t really care that I’m the wrong side of a size 12, with gappy teeth and a very bad case of ‘thighs-that-meet-each-other-at-the-top-and-half-way-down-the-leg’. I like the way I dress. I like my glasses, and I love my piercings. I like my jewellery. 


I like all these things. But I love my sense of humour. I love my ability to lead a group of people. I love my passion. I love the way I write.


I really hate the mentality that ‘we are all beautiful.’ We are simply not all beautiful. Some of us are down right ugly. But it shouldn’t really matter. Do you really want to be praised for something you were born with (for a combination of the right strands of DNA) or for something you cultivated? Something you have worked hard to achieve. 


Beauty is only skin deep and what’s underneath the skin has always interested me more.


A good heart. That’s all I want. That’s all I need.



And here I am. Happy.